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Tuesday, November 27, 2012

                        PERFECT CHRISTMAS GIFT


Find Somebody to Love!  This is the ultimate gift you can give to another and more important yourself. If you are seeking the best gift in the universe the simple act of loving unselfishly is without question the ULTIMATE gift.

I promise you your life will never be the same. I realize life is not Rose Colored Glasses

Yes I know it is not that easy but perhaps you are looking out from glasses that are covered in soot, dirt or smudged with heartache and self-doubt.

Find somebody to Love does not have to be taken literally nor romantically.  I could stop at this statement but I am certain there are those that are asking. " what is she writing about?"

Since you ask. Love can be expressed in more ways and time than I have finger strength to type or time to give.  I will attempt to make this as succinct as possible. If you take the time and effort to look beyond your nose you will see your community, city, state, country no in truth the global community is in desperate need of Love.  It may sound trite but it can start with a simple act of kindness or forgiveness.

Take a moment and Find Somebody to Love!

 Take a note from THE VOICE Cody Belew.






 Are you dreading the Holidays Single?

'The Holidays' are no longer fast approaching they are here and like taxes, they are not going anywhere.  Well not until January 15.  But do not despair February 14th, Valentine Day the holiday that celebrates love with it’s pretty pink and red roses, chocolate candy and declarations of love follows close behind as another reminder of your singledom status.  I write this homage to holidays to acknowledge for many this and not New Years is when they begin to write declarations of ‘No never again.' No never again will I face another holiday alone, without a love to call my own.  Yes, it is now when family and friends are complaining of the 10 extra pounds racing off hand in hand to the local mall burden down with bags and fast food cups securely in hand as a constant slap in your face that you are without that one special person to fight over the remote and to call your own.

Much like the short days of winter and the long cold dark nights for many single men and women the one constant companion they can depend on is the doom and gloom of loneliness, self-doubt, and trepidation as they pass the time Single waiting for Santa.  I know many protest that they are not lonely and looking. While this in itself is true yet you would literally have to be on Prozac or Valium not to feel the tug of longing for a friend, companion a love to celebrate the season of faith (whatever yours may be), family and festivities.

Yes I know that many are happy and feeling blessed with their single status. For those who do great
and I am thrilled for you. Yet I would be remiss not to acknowledge both sides of the coin.


What is a guy or girl to do to bring about a change?  Well, nearly the exact opposite of what you did through the year!  No, I am not kidding.  First, be honest with yourself and acknowledge your real and serious intent for your level of commitment to alter or change your status.  Many social media sites designate different status such as:
  1. Activity partner
  2. Serious long term/marriage
  3. Or the dreaded NSA, which very may be how you arrived in the same space as last year and for some the year before and the year before that. 

I am a proponent of living single well and in balance seeking your own sense of joy through participation of your faith, social and philanthropic activities that enhance your life and others.  However come on I am also a Dating and Relationship Coach.  Noah filled The Ark  two by two not one by one for a reason. 

DON'T BE A GRINCH and spend your holidays bored, alone and sad. If you do nothing else try one of these loving selfish acts of kindness.  Yes I said selfish because come on be truthful. Is not a self imposed depression a selfish act?  You have everything to live and be hopeful for. As long as you are above ground breathing and in your right mind there is always a chance for Love!  Just in case no-one has told you lately, I love and appreciate you.

  1. Adopt a family 
  2. Orphanage take time to visit and play Santa
  3. Call a local church synagogues, temples get involved
  4. Visit a Nursing home or Hospice adopt a grandparent
  5. Buy blankets for a local shelter don't just serve food on the holidays 
  6. Single parents always need help take the kid(s) to a holiday festival event or buy the parent a gift
  7. Visit (with a friend) a park or shelter or food pantry and take hot coffee, drinks cocoa while participants wait in line for services.

This being the case perhaps it is time you reached out to seek professional assistance. 
Contact me now towards changing your life.     

Remember there no more precious gift than Love and Time!  Take the Time to Love unselfishly on and for someone else and this is the Love you will receive. 

Sunday, November 25, 2012


                           DATING TIPS FOR THE UNINFORMED

Question: is it okay to use texting when asking a person out on date?  
Answer:  Really are you an idiot or you play one on a now defunct Soap Opera?

Recently I had the distinct displeasure of having a man (who was a potential suitor but no more) ask me out on a date via text. Some of you may be thinking nothing wrong with that and others of you may feel as I do déclassé to the tenth degree. Yes I know this is 2012 and 2013 is fast approaching.  Technology is progressing at the speed of light but do we have to give up manners and common courtesy to refer to ourselves as contemporary and have a Friday night date?  Me personally I would prefer to stay home and watch a marathon of the latest horror show Bridezillas a feature on

Come on now really Darn near anything would be preferable than to have a man or in the case of you men a woman not value blah blah I refuse to sugarcoat the fact that it is R-U-D-E rude to ask you for the pleasure of your company via text. Just short of a booty call to put it not so tactfully.  It is lazy and presumptuous to utilize texting as a primary mode to share and exchange thoughts with another person. Thirdly but no less important is the fact it is a cowardly passive aggressive act.  In the scheme of things Text Messaging as a form of communication within a (any) relationship is nothing less than a recipe for sabotage leading to disaster.  Disaster on a level of 4.5 on the righter scale leading to, to hurt feelings, misunderstanding, anger and cursing, leading to a break-up. 

Is this a dating tip or a dating phenomenon? Is this something I really need to write about?  Allow me to answer my own query.  Yes unequivocally and a resounding yes. If you are new to my writings let me share a simple but important fact.  I write about relevant subjects that I as a single personally experience and you share with me on my radio show, during my speaking engagements and via e-mail.  This is the element that separates me from the also ran’s such as the therapist and experts in sociologist such as Dr. Andrew Cherlin. I am not disputing the relevancy of studies and research. However there is no substitute for real life experiences.

A soliloquy of thought is meant to be performed on a stage for a play and not to be read on your I-phone or any other Smartphone. Come on folks if you doubt me refer to the definition of texting: is the act of typing and sending a brief, electronic message between two or more mobile phones or fixed portable devices over a phone network. Nowhere does this say solve the woes and transgressions of your dysfunctional relationship and this include family, friends and co-workers. 

So the next time you want to send a text message which includes anything other than a perfunctory message of,” I am 15 minutes late or can’t talk now in a meeting. OK I can bow to sentiment and include, "I love you or I miss you see you soon." But anything other than a message that can fit on the side of quarter is best left for utilizing your verbal communication skills.  Keeping this as of measure for common sense and good manners before you speak in anger or simply decide to let the flood gates open via text.  Make sure you breathe rethink and remember the simple line ‘Just leave it alone.’  

Need I remind you that any and everything that utilizes technology and electronics remains in this universe forever and can be used against you in a court lo law? If you doubt me just ask Judge Judy.
Any questions just remember you can always e-mail me or if you are in need of a Dating  Coach or a Relationship Coach for those already dating.  Sharen Sierra

Wednesday, September 5, 2012

Men It Is Imperative You Safeguard Your Heart

Men It Is Imperative You Safeguard Your Heart and not just when it comes to romance. There is no love more important than your physical, mental and emotional health.  If you could ask actor Michael Clark Duncan I am positive if he could  he would agree. Unfortunately the actor best know for his portrayal of in the movie The Green Mile died September 05, 2012 at the age of 54.  Michael "suffered a myocardial infraction and never fully recovered."  
Michael Clarke Duncan's death a reminder to safeguard your heart.

Earlier this year, Michael Clarke Duncan was keeping fit through a healthy competition with his The Finder costar Geoff Stults. “If you really flub a line, you have to drop and give 20 pushups,” Duncan told Men’s Health. “You’ve got to help a friend along.”
The Green Mile star, who received an Academy Award nomination for his performance in the 1999 film, suffered a heart attack on July 13 of this year and “never fully recovered,” according to a written statement released by his publicist. He died yesterday at Cedars-Siniai Medical Center in Los Angele

At 6’4” and a muscular 300-some pounds, Duncan embraced living in the moment. “I don’t regret what’s happened and I don’t worry about what I don’t have. I just do what’s in front of me,” Duncan told us in his interview with Men’s Health earlier this year.
We don’t yet know what specifically led to Duncan’s death. But you can use his unfortunate fate as a chance to take control of your own life and safeguard your heart. As Duncan said, “My mother used to tell me, as long as I can remember, something that’s on my license plate now: YCDA—You Can Do Anything. And it’s true.”
Heart disease is the #1 killer of men—and you can prevent it. Follow these 17 ways to protect against heart attack and heart disease.
1. Drink two cups of coffee a day. People who did this had an 11 percent lower risk of heart failure than subjects who shunned java, according to a study of 140,000 people published this year from Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center in Boston. Researchers credit the brew’s healthful antioxidants, which may reduce your risk of health conditions that lead to heart failure. Go for black brew or a splash of milk. (See which coffee made our list of The 20 Worst Drinks in America.)
2. Ask your dad how your grandparents died—and when. Having a relative die of heart complications before age 60 doubles your own risk of premature heart disease, according to an August 2012 study published in the Journal of the American College of Cardiology. If that’s you, control what you can: Don’t smoke, maintain a healthy weight, and exercise regularly.
3. Eat vitamin C-rich foods like citrus fruits. In a study in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, people who took a 500-milligram vitamin C supplement daily saw their blood pressure significantly drop after 2 weeks. How? Vitamin C may regulate blood levels of nitric oxide, which helps vessels maintain normal pressure, researchers believe.
4. Snack on cherries. People who ate two daily servings of the savory fruit had fewer markers of inflammation in their body, a small study in the Journal of Nutrition found.
5. Soak up the sun. A study published this year found that mice exposed to a light box were more protected from heart attack–induced tissue damage than mice that didn’t receive light therapy. The sun increases the number of heart-protective proteins in your body, explains lead researcher Tobias Eckle, Ph.D., professor at the University of Colorado Denver.
6. Spice up your food. When researchers at the Chinese University of Hong Kong studied the effects of capsaicinoids—compounds that lend flavor to chili peppers and jalapenos—in hamsters, rodents fed the spicy foods showed lower levels of LDL (“bad”) cholesterol than the animals that ate capsaicinoid-free meals. Capsaicionoids appear to block the gene that causes your arteries to contract, leading to relaxed muscles and better blood flow to the heart, researchers believe.
7. Shed your spare tire. Cutting your sodium intake alone won’t always do the trick: In a recent review of seven studies, people who lowered their salt intake were just as likely to have a heart attack or stroke as those who didn’t limit sodium, according to research in the American Journal of Hypertension. Shedding pounds is a better solution: Getting in shape can yield as much as a 10- to 29-point drop in blood pressure. And regular aerobic exercise can make it fall another 10 points. (If you’re trying to lose fat, don’t fall for these 5 Fat-Loss Myths.)
8. Have a beer. According to a recent review of more than 18 studies on booze, beer is just as good for your heart as vino. Drinking a little more than a pint of beer a day could make you 30 percent less likely than non-drinkers to suffer from stroke, heart attacks and heart disease, researchers found. (Just don’t overdo it. Moderate drinking—the healthy kind—is defined as no more than two alcoholic beverages a day for men or one for women.)
9. Keep a water bottle by your desk. Loma Linda University researchers found that drinking 5 or more 8-ounce glasses of water a day could help lower the risk of heart disease by up to 60 percent—exactly the same drop you get from stopping smoking, lowering your LDL cholesterol number, exercising, or losing a little weight.

10. Take a glass
half-full attitude. Optimists were 50 percent less likely to have a heart attack or stroke compared to pessimists, according to a study inPsychological Bulletin.

11. Start your morning with grapefruit. Eating just one grapefruit each day can lower your total cholesterol and LDL levels by 8 and 11 percent, respectively, lowering your risk of heart disease. It will also provide you with more than 150 percent of your daily recommended intake of vitamin C.
12. Swig cranberry juice. Men who drank 3 cups of the juice daily raised their levels of “good” HDL cholesterol by 10 percent. Researchers credit plant compounds called polyphenols for the results. Tip: Make sure the label says you’re drinking at least 27 percent cranberry juice, since the drink is often diluted. (Click here for the 125 Best Packaged Foods for Men.)
13. Pick whole grains. In a study at Tulane University, researchers found that people who ate four or more servings of foods like whole grains, nuts, and beans a week had a 22 percent lower risk of developing heart disease (and 75 percent fewer camping companions) than those who ate the foods once a week or less.
14. Eat a burger—just make sure it’s grass-fed. Grass-fed beef has a profile of healthy fats similar to fatty fish like salmon. It’s also loaded with heart-protective vitamin E.
15. Clean house. Just 2.5 per week of chores like mowing the lawn or carrying groceries can reduce unhealthy inflammation in your body, according to a study published this year in Circulation.
16. Schedule a checkup. Even if you’re in your 20s, you could benefit from a cardiovascular risk assessment. Your doctor takes a detailed inventory of all of your risk factors—your blood pressure, family history, cholesterol levels, and more—and uses a formula to give you an idea of your heart disease risk. If you’re at high risk, you and your doctor can work together to make life-saving changes.
17. Fill up on fiber. Men with a high-fiber diet had a 15 percent lower risk of heart disease, a Swedish study found. Choose nutrient-rich fruits and vegetables rather than supplements or high-fiber bread. Decode the myths from the facts about supplements with the all-new Men’s Health Guide to the Best Supplements for Men.
Research by Mike Darling, Markham Heid, Bari Lieberman, J. Rentilly, Amy Rushlow, Cassie Shortsleeve, and Jill Yaworsk

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

        Is There Love to be Found on the Internet 

Posted by Leticia, April 13th 2011
Jeff never had trouble meeting people, given his gregarious nature and his line of work—he’s a snowboard instructor, drummer, and D.J. whose handle is “DJake.”  But he’d found he was most compatible with black women and he wasn’t meeting many of them in his area.  What’s more, Jeff was very eager to meet his match and knew that hoping for the occasional chance meeting might keep him waiting for a long time.
“I wanted someone to fill my lonely heart, and yesterday,” Jeff says.  So he decided to try our site.  “Within the first month, I was talking to so many ladies that I quit searching to meet new ones,” he marvels.  “Several of them are now some of my best friends.  I’ve been teaching one of the girls’ daughters how to do magic tricks!”
Kalama was getting plenty of attention of her own, but she had specific ideas about the kind of man she was looking for.  When she found Jeff’s profile, it struck her as a bit long, but fun and genuine.  She liked that Jeff knew what he wanted.  His profile declared he was “Ready for Love.”  Their personalities seemed compatible, and so did their relationship goals—both wanted to start a family, sooner rather than later.
There was just one wrinkle to iron out—Jeff was in Ohio and Kalama was in Africa!  Undeterred, they started talking on Skype.  This was enough for Jeff to learn to love Kalama’s laugh, her beautiful smile, and her witty sense of humor.
Jeff decided to go to Africa for a visit to see if their connection would work in real life.  The pair met in person for the first time when Jeff got off the plane in Zambia.  “When I finally met her, she was the same person as on Skype, but so beautiful,” Jeff recalls.  “Her embrace felt so much warmer than a keyboard!”
The young couple felt a little anxious at first but their nerves settled down as their conversation took off.  Jeff and his sweetheart would dance for hours at a local club, until they were the last people on the dance-floor.  Later that night, their first kiss came in the back of the cab on their way home.
Jeff would spend seven weeks with Kalama’s family.  The couple toured the area to see Africa’s wildlife in its natural habitat and visit the world-famous Victoria Falls.  Along the way, they fell madly in love.  By the time Jeff headed home, he was a married man.  Yes, it’s true—Jeff and Kalama got hitched!
Sadly, difficulties with Kalama’s immigration are keeping the couple apart for now.  But Jeff and Kalama are making plans to reunite in Africa.  In fact, they hope to visit impoverished villages in Zambia, offering children entertainment, inspiration and gifts.
“Kalama’s smile, heart and love are greater than I ever could have imagined,” Jeff says.  Something tells us that no government can keep this couple apart for long.



Do you have questions concerning internet dating?  E-mail with any questions?  Can it work yes like fairytales it can happen for you however unlike fairytales every ending is not happily ever after.  Call and ASK REN to avoid popular pitfalls and mishaps.      

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

          Is a Kiss Just a Kiss?


Think about it when we are young and have a boo-boo no matter what medicine is applied only the kiss of our mother could make the pain go away.
***Nothing heals like a kiss

As a small child whether a boy or a girl when you get your first innocent crush:
***Stealing a kiss is the absolute best

Too young to know the significance yet we know even at an early age there is
***Something special in a kiss

 As we grow in years and our hormones rage:
***A kiss can set us aflame 

A kiss at this age can as the Staple Singers were fond of saying: 
*** A kiss can Take You There

Oh now the innocence of adolescence has passed we are adults busy in our lives too busy to take the time and without noticing a kiss dissipates to just a peck

*** Has our kiss lost its connection to our heart???

Now time has passed and we are fully grown and suddenly again we are young at heart and with that we long for the simple pleasures that bring us joy because happiness is fun and fleeting but joy is ever-lasting.

*** A sweet sweet kiss now permeates our memories and we long to feel the healing powers of a kiss coupled with the simple pleasure of our youth. We long for the raging passion of adolescence along with the adult knowledge to know better than to take a kiss for granted. 

Now with our newfound wisdom we, you, and yes even I realize a kiss is made that much more pleasurable with the intimacy of unwrapping the kiss slowly like a tightly wrapped foiled covered chocolate candy kiss

So what are you waiting for go out and find someone to:   


Thursday, August 23, 2012

Cancer Patients Benefit From Massages

As part of my Because They Care Series where I highlight guest authors on subjects that assist us in living our lives out loud with balance and joy I am featuring this article written by Melanie Brown of the Mesothelioma Cancer Alliance

Sharen Sierra highly recommend the following article for individuals dealing with a diagnosis of Cancer.  I personally know as my mother, Alice Young was diagnosed with stage IV uterine cancer and was told she had 6 months to live.  My mother looked at her doctors and simply said, "no offense but you all may be good but you are not MY GOD." While she is no longer walking this earth she was right she survived and thrived through the illness and treatment.  We included both a medical and holistic approach and massages were a part of her life and road to recovery.  

      Studies Show Massage is Beneficial to Cancer Patients

Massage can help anyone balance their stress level, but this is particularly important for someone who has to go through difficult obstacles concerning his or her own health. Massage is especially beneficial to someone who is dealing with difficult obstacles in his life.  One of these obstacles could be a health condition, such as cancer.  Studies show that cancer patients are benefitting in several ways from therapeutic massage. We are seeing therapeutic massage being used more frequently in medical treatment programs.  Massage assists patients by reducing their symptoms, improving their ability to cope and enhancing their quality of life.  Cancer patients, including those with mesothelioma, are using therapeutic massage to improve their sense of wellbeing and help control some of their symptoms. Published reports of studies done on therapeutic massage and cancer do reveal benefits to the patient.

One study was conducted on patients that received treatment at the Memorial Sloan-Kettering Cancer Center located in New York City. The purpose of the study was to evaluate the changes in symptom scores from each patient, in reference to his pain, stress, fatigue, nausea, depression and anxiety.  The study included 12 licensed massage therapists and 1290 cancer patients. Three massage variations were used: light touch, foot massage and Swedish. 
Data from the patients’ symptom cards indicated that their pain decreased in severity by about 50 percent after their massages.

In September of 2004, the “Journal of Pain and Symptom Management stated that these 1290 cancer patients showed promising results related to a decrease in their pain, anxiety, fatigue, nausea and depression.A more recent prospective randomized trial that was conducted by the Canadian Touch Research Centre located in Montreal and CHUM Hôpital’s department of radiation and oncology, evaluated how massage therapy affected anxiety levels in cancer patients who were undergoing radiation therapy.  Over a period of six months, 100 patients were assigned randomly to control sessions or massage sessions.  The massage group was given a 15-minute massage prior to radiotherapy for 10 days, consecutively.  The control group was not given a massage.  A Visual Analog Scale and The State-Trait Anxiety Inventory were utilized to evaluate each group.Following their massage, patients’ anxiety scores were reduced by aver 40 percent, as compared to their pre-massage scores. In both of the groups, patients noticed an average reduction of 20 percent in their anxiety, between their first and last radiotherapy session.  This is not considered statistically significant.  Massage therapy did seem to be associated with a significant decrease in the immediate anxiety scores just before a radiotherapy treatment, which is considered as procedural anxiety.

One of the most recent publications of a controlled and randomized trial of therapeutic massage, for patients with cancer, is a multicenter study in the U.K.  A total of 288 patients with cancer were offered complementary therapy services for their clinical depression and/or anxiety. These patients were randomly allocated a course of the usual supportive care alone or aromatherapy massage.  A reduction in depression and anxiety was seen after two-weeks of intervention. The authors’ conclusion states that aromatherapy massage is an effective therapy for patients with cancer, in order to reduce their symptoms of mild-to-moderate depression and anxiety. Whether you are suffering from breast cancer, ovarian, mesothelioma or leukemia; there is potential benefits for all in massage therapy. Consult your doctor today and see if massage therapy will work for you. What are you waiting for? Go indulge in a massage today!