Life Coach and Dating Coach

Join Scared Single Enter Your Email

Search This Blog

Tuesday, April 9, 2013


Tennyson wrote. " in the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of  love."  I am not certain if this is true or not and if it is true why this happens. But of course I do have a thought or two as to why  this might be true. 

Take a look outside your window or better yet wake up shake off your cobwebs from your hibernation and walk outside your door. The birds are chirping, spring flowers are blooming and trees are sprouting green buds.  Love, lust or renewed sense of like is definitely in the air. March Madness has come and gone (Go Louisville Cardinals and Coach Rick Pitino) and spring fever is taking hold.

What causes this sudden desire for romance? If I knew the answer for this I would win the Nobel Prize for Love.  Could it be that just like mother nature their is an awakening in our spirit and in our thirst for life. It becomes more than an urge it is now a desire to feel, smell, touch, see and taste the sweet nectar of love in all it's glory.  

I really don't know and I have no answer for the question Is Spring The Season of Love?  

My only response if Not Now Than When?  It is as the song says; 

Birds do it, bees do it
Even educated fleas do it
Let's do it, let's fall in love

What are your plans for spring?  

Sunday, March 24, 2013

                                     RECIPE FOR LOVE
                              LOVE AND COMFORT FOOD

Today I decided with a possible 4 inches of snow headed my way I would hunker down make a big pot of comfort food and catch up on the ABC series Scandal. Ah yes chicken noodles from scratch (not the noodles). So on each commercial break I would race off to the kitchen and add to the pot carefully stirring and seasoning as the aroma began to waft throughout the house. If you are familiar with the creator and writer Shonda Rhimes you know she is the master of build up and if you miss one scene you might just miss the connective bond.  Now you know my dilemma. My love of intrigue, love and suspense or my love of good food that gives sustenance, nourishment to the family I love? Easy choice you would think.

Imagine this I am standing at the stove pondering if I should turn off the pot, which is not a good thing. However this of course will allow me to watch the remainder of Scandal.  Or should I be diligent and complete the task at hand?  The last three steps, thickening the broth, add the noodles and of course the piece de resistance the succulent pieces of chickens.

Suddenly it dawned on me how like cooking finding, nourishing and maintaining love can be. Think about the similarities for just a moment.  To prepare a meal you think about what you want and in most cases you make a list to insure you have all the necessary ingredients. Sometimes you have to shop around to find just the right missing ingredient. You look in grocery stores, churches, online at work.  Once you locate what you are looking for you must have the right measurement of each ingredient.  Much like a recipe each person’s taste are distinct and different. Some put more value into kindness, faith, similar goals, dreams and desires and yet others value success, education, and hierarchy of life.

Now that you have your ingredients what do you do? Is it a dish that you sauté, steam, broil or bake.  Is it a love that is nurtured slowly with a chaste overlook or is all in like a game of poker?  Cooking and Love each has it’s own path to success. 
Whichever you are undertaking think about the recipe of someone you love and cherish.  Often times the recipe is in their head or written down covered with flour, torn and folded corners kept safe in an index cardholder.  However you store your recipe for a favorite dish or love you can bet there is love attached to the recipe and the actual dish.


Monday, February 11, 2013

        Top Ten Reasons For Staying Single

More times than I can count I have heard a question repeatedly hurled at single men and women like a pitcher throwing a curve ball on the inside corner to a batter who is crowding home plate. Of course those that are hurling the question are the arch nemesis. The dreaded enemy, married people who assume that every single person secretly desires to be married.  Of course this is not true however to this particular classification of 'marrieds' this is an impossible possibility. The question is of course, “ when are you going to settle down and get MARRIED?” When I hear this question being thrown at me or anyone else I always cringe.

My first thought is what exactly is settling down.  Is it surrendering to the inevitable droll and tedious acceptance of being commitment to one person until death do thee part?  Or is marriage celebrating the joy of a union between two people that is reported to be God’s first miracle?  If it truly the second choice could someone please tell me why is it considered settling?  When I checked the Webster encyclopedia not one of the definitions have a positive or encouraging meaning.

1. to place so as to stay or    2. to make quiet or orderly

Now correct me if I am wrong but does this read like a miracle that Jesus performed?

John 2:1
On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding.

I am not certain but what I do know is that every time I hear the question, without fail I want to look for the nearest exit wether it is a window or door and run like Forest Gump. Better yet maybe I should buy a mule with work boots and allow him to do what comes naturally. Kick some sense and manners into married folk that think they have discovered the Holy Grail.  Does anyone really think the answer to the question “Why are you single, could possibly be a one dimensional response?

So I decided to take a moment and list the Top Ten Reasons that Men and Women choose to live their life as a Single Person.  First as I like to remind everyone Single is a Status not a Disease

1) Plain and Simple he/she enjoys the Single life maybe a little narcissistic and then again maybe not.
2) He or she is patiently waiting for the right person understanding how expensive a divorce can be.
3) Their time is their own and quite frankly he/she has no desire to be accountable to partner. 
4) He or She does not want to share their personal space.
5) He or She has chosen a career over love.
6) He or She has either no desire or inability to remain monogamous. 
7) He or She has been hurt in the past and unwilling to take a chance on trusting a partner.
8) He or she is unable to find a person that they want to have a single date with so how could a long-term relationship be a possibility.
9) He or she has familial responsibilities and commitments.
10) He or She has financial concerns that take precedence of an interpersonal relationship.

There is no one answer and perhaps instead of being impertinent we should all attempt to contribute to everyone’s happiness.  Just a thought!  Or maybe it is 'Complicated' just ask crooner and husband to the beautiful Paula Patton, Robin Thicke. 

John 2:1
On the third day a wedding took place at Cana in Galilee. Jesus' mother was there, and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding.


 If we were to select a first miracle for Jesus to perform, no doubt we would pick something grand such as Jesus on the Mount of Transfiguration or, as Peter suggested, have Christ call down lightning from heaven. Maybe we would have Jesus perform a healing or raise someone from the dead, or have him feed the 5000. But God chose to use a social gathering for Christ’s first miracle. An ordinary couple had an unimportant need. The miracle was done secretly; so few people even knew it had occurred. This is not what we would have chosen for Christ’s first miracle, but it’s what God chose for the first miracle. And it reveals to us God’s love and compassion for us, even for our unimportant needs.

So let us let God take care of the question and the answer. Or as Jamie Foxx in the movie Ray stated "Do What It Do."  Either way if everyone was married what would happen to the divorce lawyers?  


Saturday, February 2, 2013

                   CAREER vs LOVE

Is failure an option in your career?  For most of us I would be willing to venture a guess that the answer would be no.  We strive daily to not just maintain but excel at our careers sometimes no matter how high the cost. 

We sacrifice ourselves in a multitude of ways too many in fact for me to name. However I will take a minute to name just one factor that has ties unequivocally to nearly all of our sacrifices. That factor would be Time
It is said that 'Time waits for no one' and while that is true it is also true that Time is the only thing that we can never get back.  In our efforts to be the best at making more money, garnering more alphabets in front and behind our names we often lose track of Time.  We spend less time with our families. We often neglect our emotional, mental and physical self. We spend more time working to achieve career success than living a balanced life of joy. In the end when we take our last breath I do not think it will be to say, “I wish I had spent more time working.”

As we approach Valentine’s Day the day designated to celebrate Love I wonder maybe we should spend more time thinking about not just celebrating Love but succeeding at Love. Take a minute and think about it. If you put the same energy, focus, and yes Time into learning to give and receive healthy nurturing Love, I would be willing to bet that as you took your last breath it would be with a smile. 

After all in case you have not heard Love Is The Answer and Jesus is Love.  Wow two for the price of one and all it takes is Time.  

Monday, January 14, 2013

 Is Love Sweeter The Second Time 

          Around With Your First Love?                                        

And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Is LOVE sweeter the second time around with your FIRST LOVE?  This is not a new question. I am positive while I have no names to share with you that this a question that has been asked and answered since the beginning of time.  Who knows perhaps Cleopatra while aligning her self and country with Julius Ceasar had more than fond memories of her FIRST LOVE.

I can share first hand knowledge that with the popularity of Goggle and FaceBook that many, both men and women have taken drastic steps to answer this very question.  The tag It’s Complicated on FaceBook has replaced affairs of the heart and unrequited Love. If you do not know someone, who knows someone, that has either discovered their wife/ husband or significant other sharing Face Space in secret just wait a day you will.  Broken hearts and marriages are littered in the Facebook Graveyard named Status.  Perhaps it is because they make it so easy to change your status. With just one click you go from single to engage to married to it’s complicated to divorce and then the inevitable back to single once again.

Or maybe it is just because as a culture we have the attention span of 'A Nat' whatever that means. What I do know is that Facebook can be a dangerous tool much like an automatic assault rifle. No matter who owns it. (sorry NRA) 

But that brings us back to the question. “ Is Love sweeter the second time around with your FIRST LOVE?”

When I goggled the question. One of the first sites that populated was that of celebrities who married the same person twice.  Oddly enough known of the 12 stars were minorities.  Don’t ask why I included that fact it just seemed odd. To name a few, of course Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor. Then there is Pamela Lee Anderson and Tommy Lee, Natalie Wood and Robert Wagner and Sean Penn and Robin Wright Penn.  Oh wait there is Kobe Bryant and wife Vanessa. No I guess on and off again and on again only counts if the judge bangs the gavel and says the words divorce. 

I wrote about kisses a few months ago and their distinct differences.  Is your FIRST LOVE distinctly different than your second, third or fourth. Is your FIRST LOVE just a figment of your imagination because you only remember the good and not the bad and the ugly? Or is the memories of your FIRST LOVE so great because it was the first time you realized your heart was made for something significant other than pumping oxygen rich blood to every living cell in the body. 

Maybe just the thought of your FIRST LOVE is over the moon that you cannot help but think it will be better the second time around because you hope and pray it will be as it was before. A time you remember because it was pure undulated Joy pumping to ever living cell in your body.

Well the romantic in me says if nothing else thinking about my FIRST LOVE brings back a flood of memories.  Not all of the memories are  good but they certainly leave me feeling warm and fuzzy. What about you what are your memories of your FIRST LOVE? Are your memories Good?  I certainly hope so mine are.  Recently I talked to my FIRST LOVE and for sure just the sound of his voice caused my heart to skip a beat or two. If nothing else I certainly enjoyed reminiscing to when I was a size 2.  

Yes a FIRST LOVE is certainly special or as Albert Einstein points out.. Fool Me Once but certainly not twice.

“No, this trick won't work... How on earth are you ever going to explain in terms of chemistry and physics so important a biological phenomenon as first love? ” 
― Albert Einstein

Amen Albert.....tell me about your FIRST LOVE leave a comment.